Squawk Radio

You may not know this, but the Romantic Times convention is overrun with cover models. Think women in bunches, talking about books, when a lone wolf wanders through the room. He pauses, bold in his masculinity, eyes inscrutable behind his black glasses, throws back his rippling hair and flexes his muscle as he lifts his cell phone to his ear... Connie and I edge closer to this miracle of nature, determined to hear the thrilling words he whispers to one of his many lovers. "Questa e una matina difficile," he says.

OH YAH? "I'm having a difficult morning." And he thinks we can't understand his whine. Guess what, my husband is Italian! Cry me a river, Mr. Cover Model.

We couldn't let him feel down...so Connie poked me in the back so hard that I thought she'd glimpsed David Cassidy. I took his picture. Men are so disappointing up close. "Be stronger!" I said to him (for goodness' sake, he could at least flex a muscle for this picture). He looked blank so I tried in Italian. "Forte!" Yes...he was running on one cylinder and that cylinder was made by Fiat.