Squawk Radio

We Squawkers have a special way of dealing with all the ups and downs of the writing biz, of which there are many. The homicidal frustration of being on deadline. The orgasmic ecstasy of making a best seller list. The odd pairing of delight and anxiety that overcomes us the week a book is released. The mixture of dread and hope as we tear open the envelope we know contains our cover art. Extreme emotional events, every last one. And there’s only one way to cope with and commemmorate an extreme emotional event.

The haiku.

Yes, over the years, we Squawkers have become quite adept at this much-maligned, oft-misunderstood medium. For the record, it’s five syllables first line, seven syllables second line, five syllables third line. And for the record, haiku !@#$%ing rocks! Nothing says emotional overload like a good haiku. And there’s no better way to capture unmitigated neuroses. Here are some of our favorites from the Squawker haiku files:

Publishers Weekly.
My review appears today.
Hide the cutlery.

The Internet’s down.
Can’t get Amazon ranking.
Where’s the cutlery?

My book’s out this week.
Nora’s on the list again.
All thirty-five spots.

Conference time again.
No weight loss. My hair is gray.
They point and snicker.

Contract offer sucks.
Dinner? It’s PB&J.
For the next six months.

When I first started,
I thought this story was good.
It bites the big one.

Anyone else have some inventive, unusual ways to cope with emotional overload? (‘Cause God knows, we here at Squawk Radio need some new ways to deal with our own.) Who else loves haiku like we do? Anyone want to create some reader and writer haikus? You’d be amazed how cathartic it is. (And, MAN, is it a great way to NOT write the book you’re supposed to be working on.)