Squawk Radio

Have you ever been watching television and realized that it had changed your life?

No, I’m not talking about a great drama or news report. I’m talking about one of those commercials that sends you diving for the mute button.

I saw one the other night. It showed an obviously successful author at a bookstore autographing her books for her hoard of adoring fans when suddenly, she had to leap up and run to the restroom — because she had hemorrhoids. I had a lot of thoughts while I watched her flee. How come they never show a guy with hemorrhoids? Was her problem caused by an inferior medicine like Preparation G? And, of course, my primary concern — now I can never visit to the restroom in a bookstore or my hoard of adoring fans is going to assume I’ve got hemorrhoids, too, and heaven knows that’s what everyone wants to think about their favorite romance writer.

I mentioned this to my younger daughter, and she burst forth with this invective about her most hated commercial which she’d seen at a friend’s house in mixed company. It involves a beautiful young couple in a rowboat that springs a leak. “So the girl pulls a box of Tampons out of her purse — not one Tampon, but a whole box — and she opens one and sticks it in the hole and the boat’s fixed. And the guys smiles like he’s happy when you know he’s thinking, ‘I’m not getting any at the end of this date.’”

Hm, I thought. Commercials create some really strong feelings. I asked my oldest daughter about her most hated commercial — “The Meow Mix commercials because once I hear it, I can’t stop singing that stupid song.” (And now you’re singing it, too.) I asked Susan Sizemore which commercial she hated most — “The Geico commercials.” And let’s not forget the golden oldies. Before the days of the mute button (the best addition to television after the off button), my mother used to go berserk over the Accent commercial. Anyone remember that one? This woman wanted to wake up the flavor of her uncooked chicken so she’d slap the poor, cold carcass and yell, “Wake up!”

Yup. You have to love the image of women in advertising.

I’ll bet your fingers are twitching on the keys right now, aren’t they, because you know just which commercial makes you shriek. So tell us what it is and let us all hate it together!