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Friday, December 30, 2005

The Rules For Becoming a Rich & Famous Writer

I know some of us reading this blog are writers...and I thought it might amuse readers as well. This list, I hasten to add, is not mine. Apparently it was made up by the science fiction writer Robert Heinlein, although I read about it in a Neil Gaiman article. So here's the all-important list:

1. You have to write. No point dreaming about it without doing it.
2. You have to finish what you write.
3. Never rewrite anything, except by editorial request.
4. Send it to somebody who might publish it.
5. When it comes back, send it to somebody else.

It sounds so EASY, doesn't it? So why isn't every single one of us a rich and famous writer??

That would be like saying: why isn't everyone a perfect mother? I can certainly tell you the five ways to guaranteed success in that arena.

1. Love those darling children no matter what they do.
2. Your wishes/desires/ambitions are not important: raising this tender bud of innocent joy is your only life goal from now on.
3. Home-school. Why not? Your child's mind is your most precious possession.
4. Teach them morality by example. Never curse, shout, swear or indicate other than a graceful love of the world.
5. Do not drug yourself, either by wine, coffee or xanax. All you're doing is teaching your sweetiepies that drugs are OK. Just say no.

Who has another list of guaranteed plans for SUCCESS in whatever field?

Eloisa, laughing maniacally
Eloisa James, 2:22 PM