Squawk Radio

The guy who put in our parking area spends his days tamping down gravel and carrying huge stones, so he’s built like a romance hero. Bulging biceps, great pecs, thighs like tree trunks. And his name is Rod Steel.

I bring this up because I recently saw a thread on a bulletin board about how readers hate when authors name their characters weird names.

But how could I make up a name like Dick Finger?

Dick was the vice-president of an engineering company where I worked. (Obviously, his parents should have been shot repeatedly and then beat.) The company always painted the vice-presidents' names on their parking spot last name first, first name last. At lunch we peons used to go down and watch the visitors drive past Dick's empty parking spot, glance over, and slam on their brakes. FINGER, DICK was always a show-stopper.

But while sometimes these difficult names are the result of an odd parental sense of humor, a woman can be done in by an unfortunate collision of a first name given at birth and a last name acquired by marriage. For instance, my sister-in-law went to school with Freddy Nipples. And she reports that his mother's name was Rose. Most people called her Rosy.

Really.

I know I can’t be the only one who has run into these wild names, viewed them with wonder and bafflement, and been thankful that my mother restrained her sense of humor long enough to name me Christina. Tell us about the names you’ve heard that make your head turn and let us wonder together.