Squawk Radio

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)

Buy a lottery ticket today. If you pick the winning numbers, send it to SQUAWK RADIO, c/o Connie Brockway at...

PISCES (February 20-March 20)

This month you may be visited by an unexpected urge to drive Nascar. Resist.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)

Sometimes we need to let go of things. No, I'm not talking about that chocolate bar hidden in your drawer! Don't be so stubborn. You know what I'm talking about.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21)

It's time to adjust your aura. We suggest an SPF 15 tinted moisturizer for that.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21)

This month you will experience a few waves on the Love Boat. But then next month you will, too. And the month after that and the month after that and the month... It's the LOVE Boat, stupid! There's gonna be waves!

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

Experiment with hair products today! But use someone else's head.

LEO (July 23-August 23)

Normally thoughtful and selfless, you have been giving in to the "me, me, me" vibe lately. Which is good as the whole saint schtick was beginning to be a drag.

VIRGO (August 24-September 22)

Go to the bookstore and buy a romance in a sub-genre that you never read. NEVER. Ask on the Squawk comments first for a really good new book in that genre.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22)

Tell someone a joke this month. Here's a good one. "Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?" "Because not one of them will stop to ask for directions."

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)

Are you sure about that tattoo? Take a look at Angelina's upper arm!

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

It's time to get rid of the "Britney Rules" baby-tee. Really. And your grandson thinks so, too.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 20)

You're always running late. So, get on the horn and send that Valentine's chocolate to the Squawkers TODAY.
Eloisa James, 10:10 AM