Squawk Radio

Tuesday, March 14, 2006




KAREN HAWKINS SHARES HER NEW MOTTO: HAVE BUTLER, WILL BATHE

From the movie Arthur (1981)
Arthur: Do you know what I’m going to do? I am going to take a bath.
Hobson: I shall alert the media.
Arthur: Do you want to run my bath for me?
Hobson: It’s what I live for.

My brother and I decided my mother needed some help around the house, so we pitched in and hired a maid to clean once a week.

The day after the maid began, I called my mother to see how it went. “Oh fine,” she said. “My house has never been cleaner.”

In the background I heard my dad yell, “That’s because you cleaned it all before she got here!”

Apparently, my mother didn’t enjoy her house-cleaning present as much as we thought she would. Every week, the day before the maid was scheduled to arrive, my mother would scrub her entire house from top to bottom.

We had to fire the maid so my mother wouldn’t suffer severe exhaustion.

When I asked my mother about it, she got all flushed and said, “I just can’t have a STRANGER cleaning my house while I just SIT there! It’s not right!”

Me? I was born to have a butler. I have absolutely no problem sitting on my arse while people bustle around me, waiting on me hand and foot, bringing me tea, drawing my bath, ironing my clothes. I am ready, willing, and able to let a stranger – heck, a number of strangers – into my business in exchange for total servitude.

Doesn’t bother me a bit.

I’ve written a number of butlers in my time. One of them was Herberts from my Talisman Ring Series. Herberts was a reformed (ahem!) pick pocket turned personal servant. I based his character on Alfred P. Doolittle from My Fair Lady.

Now, in my new book, HER MASTER AND COMMANDER, I wrote Reeves, who is my own personal Sir John Gielgud butler like the one from the movie Arthur. He is capable, intelligent, a touch sarcastic, and ready at a moment’s notice to perform the smallest task with the greatest flair.

Better yet, he has an almost magical ability to Make Things Work. Wouldn’t you love to have someone watching over you who had that ability? AND knew how to make the world’s best Bloody Mary?

Do you think you’d like a butler/servant? Would you mind the loss of privacy? Would you be able to let someone else do your housework while you sat back and oh, read a good book? Or would it drive you batty?
Teresa Medeiros, 8:02 AM
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