Squawk Radio

Monday, April 03, 2006


AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)

Remember that old song: "I am woman, hear me roar?" That was roar, not snore. Winter's over. Get the lead out. LET IT ROAR!

PISCES (February 20-March 20)

The taxman cometh. And the taxman taketh away. Eateth more chocolate whilst thou can still afford it.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)

Life is short, experience as much as possible. Squawker Transation: Stop TiVoing the re-runs.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21)

Spring has sprung: Think Pink. Unleash your inner panther!

GEMINI (May 22-June 21)

Due to lack of interest, your horoscope has been cancelled this month.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

A newly-released Danish study has concluded what you’re always suspected. It IS all about you.

LEO (July 23-August 23)

Your resistance is low today. Avoid watching info-commercials featuring blue eye-shadow.

VIRGO (August 24-September 22)

"There's nothing more permanent than change. " Except when you're talking about mullets.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22)

Celebrate your inner Martha by investigating new ways to decorate mixed drinks!

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)

You remember that boyfriend you had who was an expert on padded cells? And then there was the one who your father labeled all foam, no beer? There's a pattern here. That's all we have to say about it…

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

Your creative energies are heading toward a peak. Find a "Paint a Plate" store quick!

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 20)

The Odds are against you this month, "Odds" being less a gambling term than a description of yourcoworkers.
Eloisa James, 6:13 PM