Squawk Radio

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Christie Claims That Reading Is Sweaty Work!

I just returned from the gym. Don’t hate me because I regularly have gummy hair and sopping workout clothes. But feel free to envy me, because when I go to the gym I’m doing my absolutely favorite thing in the world…reading.

Now, ideally reading is meant to be done on a bed. But like you, I’m sure, I’ve read just about everywhere—carpool line, dentist office, children’s sport practices (though I never read during an actual game…unless I’m sure I won’t be caught). I even can read while blowdrying my hair—though that can be tricky.

Reading at the gym isn’t tricky at all. Both the stepmill and the elliptical machine have convenient book holders. Tricky is what you read at the gym. Here are my helpful hints if you too want to find your pleasure while you’re experiencing pain:

Magazines. These fit nicely in the holders on the machines. However, those annoying subscription cards have a tendency to fly out and fall to the floor. I hate litterbugs, and reading magazines at the gym can make me one. Also, you must choose your magazine wisely. My Costco now carries periodicals and I went crazy the other day and bought several. This month’s Cosmopolitan has an article emblazoned with the huge words: ORGASM UNLIMITED. Take it from me. Do not bring this magazine to the gym unless you like the sweat of the guy on the machine next to you dripping onto your shoulder. Yes. Ick.

Paperback romances. Of course this is what I usually have with me. People always look at what other people are reading (you do, right?), and so I often place my selection face-up on the bookholder and then go fill my water bottle, doing my small part to advertise the current romance I’m enjoying. Once I begin working out, I use one of those black-jawed office clips to keep the pages open. I once brought a paperback erotic romance with me to the gym. Once. Remember what I said above about the orgasm article? Same rule applies. I swear, certain words must leap off the page and grab a guy’s eyeballs. (Eyeballs, I said!)

Worst Book in the World to read at the gym. I own a book I’ve wanted to read for a long time. It’s supposed to be Good For Me. I started it a couple of times, but didn’t make much headway. So I began putting a romance in my bag with this book, thinking that I could read a little of both each session. Um, I’ve finished dozens of romances and a handful of mysteries since then, but have read no more of the other book. What’s wrong with me? I finally figured it out. Not only does the beautiful prose and complex ideas sail right over my poor oxygen-starved brain, but in my edition the pages are so thin they stick to my sweaty fingertips!! Ick again. Enough of that intellectual drivel, I now say. Please, just give me a romance with pages the density of paper towels and sex that isn’t juicy enough to attract the attention of the guy dripping an elbow away.

Do you tailor your reading for certain activities? Are there books or kinds of books that you save for certain occasions or locations?
Kitty Kuttlestone, 6:43 AM