Squawk Radio

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Liz's Top Ten Signs that a Romance Writer Isn't Getting Enough Sleep

10) Your hero has just dumped the heroine to chase after some tart named Nyquil Comfybed.

9) Your heroine adopts a stray cat in chapter three and names it Mocha Java.

8) You decide that 32,000 words is more than enough for an epic romance.

7) Your forehead says, “POIUYTREWQ.”

6) As you’re doing your morning workout, you find yourself thinking that that Richard Simmons guy is one hunka hunka burnin’ love, no two ways about it.

5) Your spring royalty statements make perfect sense.

4) You write things like, “His eyes were as dark and mesmerizing as a Starbucks Doubleshot, and she knew without question that he would be good to the last drop.”

3) Your manuscript has a lot of places that say, “Zzzzzzzzz.”

2) Your husband offers to help you research that scene where the hero and heroine are using zucchini in some truly inventive ways, and you say, “Nah, that’s okay. I think I’m going to replace that scene with another one where my characters are trying to get their insurance companies to cover the cost of Lunesta.”

And the number one sign that a romance writer isn’t getting enough sleep:

When the time comes for your hero and heroine to FINALLY sleep together, they actually, you know, SLEEP together.

Who besides me isn't getting enough sleep these days? Anybody got any sure-fire insomnia remedies? 'Cause I sure could use 'em. I'll do anything to get that image of Richard Simmons in his pink tank top outta my head...
Elizabeth Bevarly, 7:22 AM