Squawk Radio

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


The National Romance Writers of America conference is in about two weeks. Hundreds of romance writers, publishers, editors, agents, and fans. A sparkling dress-up dinner thrown by my publisher in a swanky restaurant. The RITA award ceremony -- long dress required and this time I might even beat out Connie, who keeps stealing my awards from me! Only two weeks away...

Which means right about now I should probably start writing the speeches I have to give: I'm the keynote speaker for the Beau Monde (regency writers) mini-conference; I'm giving a workshop on writing books in a series; the Squawkers are giving a workshop on blogs. OK, no need to be as worried as CHRISTINA (since she's one of the big Keynote Speakers for the whole conference!), but still... it's time.

Well, it would be time except that I promised my family, word of honor, that I would take a proper vacation and not hunch over my computer trying to figure out What Jane Austen Knew (I have a dim feeling my Beau Monde keynote is on that subject -- what was I thinking!). Anyway... calming down...

Last night I happily curled up after a lovely day of ocean water, Italian sparkling wine and sun-kissed children and went to sleep. Pretty soon I'm in a fun dream in which a makeup artist appears and pastes false eyelashes on me. I look like Bambi! I mean...I look TERRIFIC! I was a little worried in my dream, because my first speech wasn't until the next day, but he assured me that they would last overnight.

Which I guess they did, because next thing I know, it's the morning of my keynote and I'm wandering around the conference hotel. Guess what I'm wearing? Go on, I bet you.

My pink cotton bra and the black striped undies that I looked at a few days ago and thought, these are the anthesis of sexy. I'm not sure where my jacket is, but I'm pretty sure I drove over to the hotel in one. It's gone now. I've only got my undies and my false eyelashes.

I think my friends might lend me some clothes, but no one is answering their phone. I'm up on level five or six, because I can't go down to the lobby--not when the biggest thing I'm wearing is a pair of eyelashes!

So...tell me I'm not the only one out there with the most boring, redundant imagination in the world. My father once told me that he still occasionally dreams that he's showing up for a university examination in his underwear (and my father has given speeches all over the world --you'd think he'd be past that!).

Do you find yourself wandering through your dreams naked? Do you get to wear eyelashes? A bra? Just your birthday suit? What does it to you -- a speech the next day, asking for a raise, your wedding?
Eloisa James, 12:18 PM