Squawk Radio

Monday, July 24, 2006


1) If you're suspected of murdering your first wife, by all means, don't spoil the suspense by telling your new bride that you're innocent. Why deprive her of the chance to wander around your town house/manor house/castle in her semi-transparent nightgown searching for clues? Women love a man of mystery!

2) If you have a lookalike twin/cousin/illegitimate brother, make sure and impersonate him at some point (preferably at a masquerade ball) so you can steal a kiss from your ladylove. Just don't pout and brood if she decides she prefers his kisses to yours.

3) If you fall off your horse, hit your head and develop amnesia, be very suspect of a pretty girl who tries to convince you that you're her long lost fiance or husband.

4) If you're ever afflicted with temporary blindness due to your own selfless, heroic actions in battle, insist that your butler hire the most sharp-tongued shrew he can find to be your new nurse. Her incessant nagging will surely inspire your rapid return to good health.

5) Never try to tame that stubborn forelock that tumbles over your brow. Women love any excuse to tenderly brush it back with their yearning fingertips.

6) If you're rendered unconscious for any reason, continue to feign unconsciousness until your ladylove is compelled to give you a bath. (This could take days depending on how fastidious she is). But do plan on waking up the moment she decides to steal a naughty peek beneath the covers.

7) Always make the time to practice your brooding, sardonic look in front of the mirror. Ladies love that.

8) Cultivate a friendship with a witty, smart-mouthed brother/cousin/friend/valet who can serve as both your confidante and your conscience when the light of your life isn't around.

9) If you find yourself strangely attracted to a slender lad with a particularly pretty face and long lashes, you might want to double check and make sure it's not really some buxom lass masquerading as a cabin boy/squire. (If not, perhaps you've been spending too much time at your gentleman's club.)

10) And most importantly, you may pine for a woman for months (or even years!) but you must never confess your love for her until you're standing on a windswept cliff with the villain thundering toward you and both of your lives in dire peril.

So what relationship advice would you like to give your favorite romance hero?

Teresa Medeiros, 6:30 AM